Before today, I wasn't worried about graduating. I thought that my university did well in preparing me for my post-college career. Even if I didn't get a job right out of college, I could crash with my mom for a bit - maybe work an in-between job until something better came along. Or, I could possibly apply for a grad assistantship and jump right into my master's.
Today, however, I began worrying about graduation.
I'm a writing major with no published works in major publications. I haven't developed a name for myself outside of Kutztown University in the professional world. As of now, I have an internship. Yet like most internships, I'm not getting paid for my work or the hours I put in. I am a Dean's List student with a 4.0 GPA, but my professor's are always telling me that no one really looks at your GPA after college unless you get a teaching degree. And if that's true, why am I trying so hard in classes to constantly challenge myself in new ways that stress me out and take away from the partying and experimenting of the average college student.
My brother is telling me to stay in college as long as I possibly can, because the debt and pressure after my degree is placed in my hands is crushing. I'm beginning to feel myself panic and wonder if I should pick up another minor or two to add to the three I already have in order to stay longer, like he did, and be a fifth year senior. However, won't that wrack up more debt and eventually just cause more stress?
I don't want to graduate.
But, I do, because I'm tired of the drama that comes along with interacting with people who are the "average" college students - the ones who drink every weekend and smoke pot every night; the ones who are content with a 2.0 GPA. Yet, I can't say that out loud because that makes me judgmental and a control freak. And, "Amber, not everyone can work as hard as you or learn as fast as you. It doesn't mean they aren't trying."
However, if no one looks at your GPA after college, and all they care about is that paper that says you graduated, what's going to make these four years worth it. While I'm stressing over a full class load, three jobs, and a sport, someone else may be gliding through college, easy peasy, preparing to take the job that I've been killing myself for.
And, they may get it.
Because if no one looks at your GPA, and no one can see the achievements of your life, why wouldn't they get it?
But then I have to remember the feeling that comes along with the success and the determination to continue to wear myself thin due to my constant need to push for more.
I've made it.
I'm graduating with honors. I'm graduating with my family in the stands, bragging about me to the families next to them. I'm graduating as my mom is filming me walking up to the stage as they call my name and place a piece of paper in my hand. I worked hard for four years to obtain this moment. I'm graduating with my teammates who have felt the same pressure I have, just in different ways. I'm graduating with an open mind to cultures and lifestyles thanks to my professors who challenged me and pushed me to do more.
I'm graduating. And, so are you.
As my mother says, "Your education isn't like a car. It won't break down or fall apart. It will last you a lifetime. Your education makes you who you are."
Regardless of the GPA and the debt or even the post-graduation struggle, you've made it and you're graduating.
It was worth it.
